Connection is complicated.
What if trying to connect does not work?
What if it does? That can be even more frightening...
What if me connecting with one person 'hurts' someone else?
There are so many ways to get hurt. People are so uncontrollable.
Does anyone really care?
It seems like there is no way to repair the damage after it is made. I carry painful scars...
Yet life feels so empty disconnected.
Yes, I can get a job. Get paid. But so what? What's the point?
Where are my role models? So much connection is superficial and fake.
Is anybody really happy together?
There is no magic formula. Perhaps it is safer to give up.
This is not about 'good' or 'bad', 'better' or 'worse', 'right' or 'wrong'...
Where you are right now is deciding what you want to try next.
Keep going the same? Barely surviving? Or try something different?
Both are scary.
Life is short and imperfect.
You can play out various roles.
You can continue to be a victim... there are benefits: You get to complain, blame, resent, have really good excuses for failure, maybe even get some pitiful attention from other people.
You could also shift to being an Experimenter: participating in life as a Rapid Learner, researching what works, and what does not...
The truth is: the fear of connection will never go away.
If fear of connection did go away, you would be left arrogant, cocky; or naïve, vulnerable, and sloppy, like Jack Sparrow without his compass. None of these states brings actual deep Being connection...
Fear has intelligence and energy for being alert, for watching out, for not being stupid the same way again...
Society's crippling misunderstanding is about fear itself.
They taught you S.H.I.T. (Standard Human Intelligence Thoughtware).
Other Thoughtware is available.
Who decides which Thoughtware you use?
Is fear bad? Is it wrong? Are you broken if you feel fear?
Are 'they' going to put you away and give you brain drugs if they catch you feeling fear? If you show yourself being afraid?
Or is Conscious Fear an indication that you have a more sensitive nervous system and awareness?
Is 'Fear Of Connection' your knack? Your 'superpower'?
Is your Fear intelligently telling you what to pay Attention to so as to more elegantly Navigate interactions with others?
Could there be other Circles of people who are also sensitive about the qualities of relating?
Could you find them?
Could you start them?
Do this Experiment for the next 3 days. The purpose is to make conscious what you have been doing unconsciously for your entire life, which is to have a high Numbness Bar. You do not feel your fear of connecting, but that does not mean that it does not impact your choices. Your unconscious fear of connection is deciding for you to diminish or completely avoid possibilities for intimacy. create the story that you are, or can be, disconnected. In this Experiment you do that consciously.
Other than energetically disconnecting, do not say anything to anybody about your Experiment. Notice your actual disconnections.
As soon as you have consciously noticed your third disconnection due to fear of connection, please register Matrix Code FEARCONN.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
In the same way as you might want to be sure that you can walk into a store and not buy anything in order to feel comfortable walking into that store and buying what you want, this Experiment is to reclaim the power of undoing intimacy, before you do any other Experiments in creating intimacy.
NOTE: The illusion that you can actually be disconnected is a strong illusion. Because the truth is we are energetically connected to everything and everybody all the time anyway. Period. You can prove this through an experiment in reading the condition of somebody at a distance even if you have never met them before (but this is a different experiment). What this Note is telling you is that the idea of being able to disconnect completely from anybody or anything is actually a delusion. And that this experiment is about stopping to force yourself to interact with somebody for social pressure, for example being afraid of hurting somebody's feelings, or fear that they would have Gremlin reactions.
The experiment is to scan through all your daily interactions with people and choose one connection that provides you with painful after effects or side effects. First write a note to yourself that says, "I hereby end interacting with John for no reason."
And then actually deliver the communication to John. Short and sweet. "I hereby end interacting with you, for no reason." And then stop being adaptive. Do not continue your social nice-girl, good-boy interaction. Enjoy the power you have to say:
Let yourself admit to someone else, "And we did not happily live ever after... but I did."
As soon as you have delivered your communication please register the Matrix Code FEARCONN.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz and show your evidence by writing a couple of sentences about this Experiment. This experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
NOTE: For this experiment it is necessary that you have completed the Experiment RECLAIM YOUR POWER TO STOP CREATING INTIMACY: STOP BEING A DOORMAT OR AN EMOTIONAL GARBAGE CAN.
Lying is one of the main causes of stress in your life. It is one of the main causes of stress in your relationships. It is no wonder why you would have fear of connecting if connection means facing into the stress of your lying.
The purpose of this experiment is to stop lying and to get real in your connections. The way to be radically honest about your connection is actually to be radically honest about your fear of connecting, because that is what is really going on.
For a week, every time you meet a new person you say: "Hello, I am afraid of connecting with you because.." That is how you start the conversation.
As a hint: this experiment is not about blaming other people or yourself for anything. It is also not about resolving the fear. You are not asking the other person to make your fear go away. If they try, just tell them "Thank you for listening. This conversation is over".
After doing this Experiment for 7 days, please register the Matrix Code FEARCONN.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, write a couple of sentences about some of the most remarkable outcomes of being radically honest.
Choose something that you will use for a magic wand. It can be any object you want and you are going to carry this thing around for a week.
You use your magic wand to search for fine, high sensitivity nervous system people. You use it as a detector. When you find one of those people, you say:
"Hello. I think you are a fine high sensitive nervous system connection person. Are you?"
They say yes or no. If they say no, walk away.
If they say yes, invite them for lunch.
The purpose of going out for lunch is to share stories. They tell their stories about their sensitivity, you share yours. You validate your existence as a high sensitivity connection person, in a safe space in which you can share your stories about being one.
Do this three times in the week.
NOTE: it should go without saying that your meal together is without alcohol of any sort.
After the third meeting, please register the Matrix Code FEARCONN.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please share a story that was shared with you, and a story you shared. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
You can do this Experiment in a Possibility Team. Ideally, you would take your whole Possibility Team and go into a crowded place, like a plaza or a market or a mall where you can sit down and be in contact with other people.
The Question is: what if your Fear of connection was actually your superpower? What would it tell you? What would it give you?
To discover that, you sit somewhere and you lower your Numbness Bar to your fear of connection. You sit in your fear of connection while creating a Being to Being Connection with a random person who is out there, or to someone in your Possibility Team. You do not talk to the other person. They do not know you are doing this.
Tune into what your Fear of connection is telling you. You have your Beep!Book and pen at hand, and you write down the information that your Fear is providing you with. Do this with three different people.
If they did not walk away by the time you finished connecting with your Fear, go and tell them: "I am doing this Experiment. I am using my Fear of connection for being connected. I have some information for you. Do you want to hear it?"
If they say no, you say thank you very much. If they say yes, you tell them the information you got from your fear of connection.
You ask them: "Do you want to do an Experiment with me? I could coach you how to use your own Fear of connection to be connected with me".
If they say no, thank them and give them a postcard with information about your Possibility Team if ever they change their mind.
If they say yes, you coach them to lower their numbness bar to their fear of connection with you, right now.
After you have connected to three people, please register the Matrix Code FEARCONN.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please share any Clarity or any Questions you obtained from this Experiment. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
Meet with your 3Cell or Possibility Team and for the next 3 weeks, spend one hour of your time practicing to say exactly what you want and exactly what you do not want. You do this with a person across from you and a coach on the side.
I want you to look at me on the nose.
Now on the third eye.
Now on the chin.
Now I do not want you to look at me.
Now I want you to look at the wall.
You keep saying what you want very clearly and you get feedback and coaching. Each person gets 20 minutes, which amounts to one hour.
The purpose is to increase your enthusiasm and commitment to fanatically say what you want, even if you are not sure if you want it or do not want it. Get fanatically able to say what you want and do not want. Learn to let the speaking come from beyond the mind, so that what you say you want comes from your Energetic Body or your Archetypal Body, not just from your social habits.
After the third week that you practice this for an hour, hopefully this behavior will filter into your daily life, so that when you sit next to someone in a bus or in line behind them in the grocery store or at a meeting, you are also able to say what you want and do not want.
NOTE: One of the biggest sources of fear of connection is the inability to take care of yourself in the presence of people, because you cannot say what you want and what you do not want.
This Experiment builds a foundation for a whole new beginning of being able to take care of yourself around other people, in connection.
After your third session, please register the Matrix Code FEARCONN.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please describe any development you have Noticed in regard to you and saying and knowing what you want. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
One of the sources of unconscious fear of connection is that you do not define or negotiate how you want to be intimate with people, with what purpose and for how long. You just go and adapt, without having your Center, your Authority, or any Boundaries in regard to what you want. This creates fear, coming from a lack of clarity about if you will actually take care of yourself around others or not.
Make a list of 5 people you are afraid of connecting with, but who you actually do want to connect with, but are not connecting to because of your fear of connecting.
Then, for each person, choose one particular experiment that you would like to try. You negotiate one precise and specific thing and carry out. This means you do the thing and then after that, you do not go for a drink or something extra.
For example, negotiate playing one game of tennis with Felix. Or, negotiate having a meeting with Rebecca about designing a marketing strategy for one hour. Finished. Or, negotiate with your brother to go to the aquarium shop and look at the fish for sale in the aquarium shop for half an hour, and then it is over. Or go to a gardening centre and meet with the sales person about the sorts of plants you could put in your back yard for fruits and vegetables, for 15 minutes. And then end. If they want to call you later to give you more information or check in with you, tell them no. You end it. It is over. Start, Middle, End.
In every meeting, you are navigating it and negotiating it.
After you have negotiated this temporary connection with 5 different people over 2 weeks, please register Matrix Code FEARCONN.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please write about how you feel about connecting to these 5 people now, after this Experiment. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
If you do not have a partner, go get yourself a partner for this experiment. Over the next 2 weeks, negotiate 5 different kinds of temporary connection Experiments like you have done in the previous Experiment.
Your Experiments need to have the purpose of creating a Being With connection and need to be minimum 20 minutes, maximum 2 hours. The time limit is decided before the experiment starts.
The way it goes is that you make an offer to your partner about how long, where, when, and what the experiment will be. And what the dress code is. And you are very clear. Especially if you are a woman making the offer, make it very clear. Your partner can say yes, or can say 'yes and' to negotiate differently in regard to your offer.
Do not compromise on your offer. That means, do not adapt into doing something you do not want and do not compromise on anything that would diminish the possibilities for Being With your partner.
Another rule of engagement is: it is forbidden to do any logistics during this time. They are done during the proposal or before the Experiment starts, but not any more once the Experiment has started.
Do the experiment and after the time previously negotiated thank your partner and end the space, so that there is a beginning, a middle and an end. You do not make promises for a next space.
And, you have the commitment to create 5 spaces.
If you do not have a partner, you can do it with different partners.
Dogs do not count.
After you have negotiated 5 temporary Being With connections, please register Matrix Code FEARCONN.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please write about your skill as a Being With connection Negotiator now that you have completed this Experiment, and about any distinctions you got about the benefit of creating spaces that have a clear end. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
Choose something that you would like to do with another person because it would nurture you, feed you. For example, you like to knit with somebody or you like to cook Korean food. Or you like to ice skate, or you like to sing in harmony.
Search for a group of people who have that as a hobby, who come together to do that activity as a hobby. Then, negotiate with them so that you can go participate in this activity that you also enjoy partaking in, so that you get fed by the resonance field of the love of a certain form of interaction.
You go and meet with them and carry out your hobby or go on your expedition or whatever. Truly let the resonance field of the connection feed you. Let it bypass your fears.
In the next month, do this 4 times with 4 different activities. Not 4 times knitting circle though. That's unfair. Because you are a diverse person.
HINT: In this Experiment, you regain the power of creating nurturing connection for yourself with strangers, because you were the one creating and negotiating this, and because you have the power to end the thing anytime you want by saying, "No!" or, "Stop!".
After you have created 4 different resonance field connection situations for yourself, please register Matrix Code FEARCONN.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please describe how it was for your 5 Bodies to interact with strangers who have the same resonance field, and what changed for you in regard to connecting with strangers. This Experiment is worth 4 Matrix Points.
You have to admit to yourself that to one degree or another, you are afraid to connect to people because you think that you have to fill in their life, that you have to entertain them, be smart and creative, invent something for them while they are with you.
In reality, everyone, whether they are aware of it or not, is on a Quest. A person's Quest is detectable through the Questions that are alive in that person.
After you have interview 5 people and possibly creating Experiments of connecting with their Quests, please register Matrix Code FEARCONN.10 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. In the proof section, please report on the most amazing Quest that you encountered through these 5 people and what Experiments you created to connect with their Quests, if you developed any. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.